


Fleeting Glimpses

by orangelightsaber



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Learning to Swim, Not much plot, PWP, Shameless Smut, Smut, Some angst, just an excuse for porn, ok maybe a little, really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-23 08:46:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6111238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangelightsaber/pseuds/orangelightsaber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They stood like that for a moment. Nemeses. Clutching each other as though no one else in the world existed. Funny how hate and love were like that. All consuming. Years of chasing, fighting, catch and release, of playing hide and seek among the stars. She probably knew him better than anyone.</p><p> </p><p>PWP smut. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Time- Red and Autumn and Urgency

_“You’ll find out that the deepest cut is the first one.”_

 

* * *

 

Running. She was always running. Never staying on a world for more than a few hours, and never returning to the same world twice. A merry dance through the stars. And him, always two steps behind. Razing paths of destruction in her wake. And still she ran.

 

It was a miracle when he finally caught her. Why had she stopped here? Ismil was a little backwater world, settled snugly in the depths of the outer reaches. It had nothing to offer.

 

Nothing but a chill in the air and the crisp leaves of autumn underfoot, he mused as he moved through the forest. Red leaves surrounded him, bright against the black earth color of the trees. Breath billowed from his lungs in plumes of white and he cursed himself for leaving his helm in the ship.

 

He felt her before he saw her.

 

She was ahead of him, kneeling, leaning forward, hands splayed out on the leaf covered ground. The ruins of a hovel lay in front of her, charred and burnt, but they were old wounds, only scars now, the black beams of the house protruding like rib bones in the shifting sunset.

 

“No,” she spoke as she felt his approach, tears streaming from her eyes. “Not you. Not now.” Saberstaff forgotten she swung at him with balled up fists, but there was no power behind each blow. He didn’t move to stop her.

 

Her fists pounded into his chest until she was no longer hitting him, just holding onto him with an impassioned intensity that he felt utterly unprepared to deal with.

 

“They came back,” she cried, voice cracking on sobs and hurt. “After they left me they just came back here. They came home like nothing had happened.”

 

“Rey,” he tried.

 

“THEY HAD ANOTHER CHILD,” she sobbed. “A son.”

 

Her hands were balled up in the front of his robes, clutching at him like she was drowning. And maybe, in a way, she was.

 

“This was my planet. My home. I—I _remember_. The leaves were yellow the day I left. They told me I’d be home before they were yellow again.”

 

He folded his arms around her and it seemed to be the right thing to do. She pressed her face into his chest, muffling her sobs.

 

They stood like that for a moment. Nemeses. Clutching each other as though no one else in the world existed. Funny how hate and love were like that. All consuming. Years of chasing, fighting, catch and release, of playing hide and seek among the stars. She probably knew him better than anyone.

 

The shaking of her sobs settled and he gazed sadly down at the small figure in his arms. Her eyes were tear-streaked as they looked up at him.

 

“They were never coming back for me,” she whispered. Admitting it to herself as much as to him.

 

“Oh, _Rey_ ,” he sighed, and in that moment something small unraveled within him. He knew that feeling, deep in his bones. He pulled her close to him, chin resting atop her head.

 

“I never thought I would be glad to see you,” she admitted, face pressed into his chest. He could feel her breath, hot, even through the layers of his clothes. “I’ve seen your scars. I suppose its only fitting that you see mine.”

 

He tilted her head back with a tug. Her eyes flew to the scar on his cheek. The one she had given him, eons ago. Pale and puffy, it cut through his visage and drew her gaze like a magnet.

 

Reaching upwards, she threaded her hands into his hair and tugged sharply. His lips crashed down to meet her own.

 

Her kiss was passionate and unyielding, pulling him closer, ever closer to her.

 

He felt as a star must feel as a black hole devours it. All sense of self, gone, absorbed into her, into her kiss. Nothing in the universe existed except the touch of their lips. A small eternity passed.

 

“You’re always running,” he said when they broke apart, panting. He couldn’t have articulated it, why he was chasing her. It was just how they were, _what_ they were. The moon had no reason to follow the sun through the sky.

 

“I’ve spent too much of my life waiting,” she replied, and she pulled his face down to meet hers again.

 

He pulled her up into his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist. There was an urgency to her kisses, as though keeping still for even a moment would be the end of her. He moved forward to press her back against a tree, pinning her there. Stilling her for even a second.

 

Her hands tugged at his cloak, unclasping it. It puddled on the ground. She bit at the place on his neck where it had been held. A hiss of pleasure escaped his teeth.

 

“My ship is nearby,” he managed to groan through gritted teeth.

 

“No,” she shook her head, certain. “I’m not getting on your ship.” She tightened her legs around his back, pulling his center closer to hers. She moaned softly against the press of his lips.

 

He moved so her feet could touch the ground again. Planting them firmly, she pushed him backwards. He moved with her hands until he was lying down with her straddling him, trapping him between the heat of her body and the chill of the ground.

 

She kissed him again, pinning his arms up above his head with her own and grinding her hips down onto him.

 

“You’re sure?” he asked, breath coming in heavy pants. Each movement of her hips brought stars to his eyes.

 

Her answer is to kiss him again, and he understands. A comfort. Physical. It had only been a matter of time, he thought. What the Force binds is not easily unbound.

 

One hand reached up to cup her neck, pressing his thumb into her mouth. She bit down on it, hard enough to hurt. He growled at that, moving his hands to the zipper of her flight suit, tugging it down gently, tentatively.

 

She balked, unhappy with his slowness, every move of hers burning with urgency. She reached up herself to pull the zipper down quickly, shrugging the sleeves off her shoulders, leaving herself exposed to the elements in a thin sleeveless shirt. Goosebumps prickled along her skin. He traced them with a finger and she shuddered.

 

Not content to wait, she began pulling the remainder of his clothes off. Each brush against his skin filled him with a burning want. She unbuckled his belt and tossed it aside, beyond caring where it landed. She reached down to cup him through his pants and he shivered at the touch of her, achingly hard.

 

Hands unzipped his pants, quick and clever. Her eyes met his for a moment, brief, glancing, and then she was tugging his pants and underthings down, leaving his ass bare on the cold ground. He didn’t care. Her mouth was hot as she worked her way down his stomach, kissing and sucking. Her hands cupped at his length, sliding her fingers softly over his cock. Her thumb pressed down at the tip of it and he bucked his hips. She watched him, eyes bright, studying each response. Bowing over again she moved her mouth down further and his head rolled back at the feeling.

 

She took him into her mouth and time stopped. He’d had _experiences_ before, quick, impersonal and paid for, but not this one. Nothing so intimate. It had always seemed too private, to lay himself bare. But Rey, she knew his mind. This was merely the next step, the natural progression.

 

He propped himself up, elbows digging into the dirt so he could watch her. Her movements were rough, inelegant, but beautiful in their effectiveness. Her tongue swirled around him and he arched forward, pressing harder into her mouth. Bucking against her without meaning to.

 

“A-Ah,” he gasped, unused to such sensations. Every nerve in his body sang.

 

She pulled back, letting his length slip through her lips wetly. He moaned in disappointment at the loss of her, but stilled when she stood and stripped off the remainder of her clothes. She moved like fire, stripping off pants and socks and boots with quick, urgent fingers.

 

He lay back, taking in the view of her. Slim frame, sharp shoulders, and taut belly, all crossed with the freckles, scars, and pockmarks of the desert. She was a desert herself, the hot burning sands of her skin marked with dunes and valleys, ripe for exploration.

 

She straddled him then, positioning herself over the length of his cock, sweet fingers working up and down. She sank down onto him, slowly, slowly, as he tried to remember to breathe. Each gasping lungful a conscious effort because nothing had ever felt so _right_. She paused for a moment, with him buried inside her, the heat where they met burning, and it took every inch of willpower he had ever possessed not to arch, to press more deeply into her, to come. She studied his face, looking for something, but what he wasn’t sure.

 

And then she moved and the world moved with her. Each sliding, shuddering sensation a realm un-experienced. So close he couldn’t tell where he ended and she began. On some strokes he was himself and on others he was her, looking down on his own face, bathed red in the dying twilight.

 

And then she was coming around his cock, tight and slick and beautiful. A symphony of sweat slicked hair and mewling noises, eyes closed and head thrown back in ecstasy. And he was coming too, pulling out of her so he could paint a star streaked galaxy in cum along her belly and breasts.

 

Hot breath billowed as white steam from their mouths as they panted heavily. Night was falling. The first stars showing their shy faces.

 

“Come with me,” he asked, as he would ask every time after.

 

“No,” she replied, as she would reply always. She shrugged her flightsuit back up her body and zipped it quickly, pulling her hair out of the way of the high collar with a practiced motion.

 

And just like that she ran, as she would run always. Never lingering. Stillness was death in the desert.

* * *

 


	2. The Second Time- Green and Summer and Wanting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote a little drabble for this [fanart](http://orange-lightsaber.tumblr.com/post/139563813357/you-know-its-not-swimming-if-you-dont-take-your/) I drew and it..kind of got out of hand. This is the one that started the series.

 

* * *

 

 

_I could get used to this,_ thought Rey as she plunged into the hot water. Though her mission to find relics on Yavin 4 had been less successful then she had hoped the discovery of the hot springs had more than made up for the disappointment. In her eyes at least, she amended, Master Luke might feel differently when she told him. She leaned her head back against the rocks and luxuriated in the feel of the water against her skin.

 

The cove was beautiful, jewel bright among the verdant foliage of the jungle, a private oasis. The swirling clear waters of the spring let her see the hot-fish as they came up to nibble at her toes. She kicked one of her feet out in a playful splash.

 

“You know, its not swimming if you don’t take your feet off the ground.”

 

Rey whirled around at the sound of his voice. She stretched out her arm instinctively to call her saberstaff into her hands. It didn’t come, though it did jerk slightly from its holding place underneath his booted foot.

 

“Stop,” he scowled at her. “I’m not here to fight you.” His dark eyes studied her face before flicking downwards almost involuntarily.

 

“ _Ben_!” she exclaimed, flushing red with embarrassment and slinging an arm over her chest.

 

He smirked in response to her movement, but soon returned to his typical frown. “Don’t call me that.”

 

She turned away from him to glare over her naked shoulder, “How did you find me?”

 

He unclipped his cloak from his shoulders and let it drop to the ground.

 

“You know how,” he replied, surly as he unbuckled the heavy belt that lay over his tunic. “Don’t pretend you can’t control it. You’ve been blocking me since last time.”

 

She frowned and sunk deeper into the water, letting it swirl up around her chin. _Last time._

“Yeah, well, last time was a mistake.”

 

“Then why let me find you now? No.” He smirked and shook his head. “You know I’ve been looking for you. I would have found you eventually, you just made it easier. After so much silence it’s deafening when you let me in.”

 

She opened her mouth to quip something back but froze as he pulled his tunic over his head. His movement left his long, lean stomach exposed, pale in the glinting reflection of the water.

 

“You’re _not_ coming in here,” she said as he dropped his tunic on top of the ever-growing pile of clothes.

 

“ _Someone_ has to teach you to swim.”

 

“I’m not—,” she flushed even darker, “I’m not wearing any clothes.”

 

“Right,” he responded as he tugged at the waistband of his pants. “Because I _haven’t_ seen you naked before. Because we’re pretending last time never happened.”

 

“ _Fine_.” She scowled.

 

She turned away just before he pulled his pants down.

“There was no last time,” said Rey, closing her eyes firmly. She realized what she said, “There’s no _this time!_ ” She heard him slip into the water with a small splash but she continued, “There has never and will never be anything but enmity between us. Anything that happened in the past was just a—a moment of weakness.”

 

She felt him move closer. His hands brushed the side of her face and she flinched in surprise at his nearness.

 

“A moment of weakness? Really?”

 

She nodded, his hands were tangling back into her hair now, swirling patterns into it where it sat atop the water. His breath hot on her face. Hotter than the steam rising in misty swirls from the spring.

 

“I know why they left you,” he said, and the words startled her into opening her eyes. _Mistake._ His eyes were large and dark as they met her own, glittering with something she couldn’t name.

 

“On Jakku,” he continued, “I know why they had to leave you.” His hands moved deftly in her hair, twisting it into a knot, out of the way.

 

“Had to?” Rey asked, heart in her throat. After learning of her parent’s death she had assumed the reasons behind her abandonment had died with them. “No. I don’t care. _They left me there._ I was a child. I would have been better off if they had told me then they were never coming back.”

 

He tipped his head down and kissed her gently. She pulled away.

 

“Don’t,” she whispered.

 

“You really want me to stop?” his voice was husky, “You called me here. Say the word and I’ll be gone in an instant.” His eyes locked on hers and she knew he meant it.

 

She shook her head. _No._

“Tell me to stay,” he said, pulling back from her. He moved to the deeper part of the pool sinuously, treading water with comfortable ease. A panther at home in the jungle.

 

She moved to follow him, thrashing clumsily through the water until she managed to catch his outstretched arms.

 

“Stay,” she said, looking up at him, keeping herself afloat by pressing down on his hands.

 

He pulled her out into the deeper waters. She gripped his hands tightly. There weren’t many things in the galaxy that scared Rey, but the lure of deep water, vast oceans, currents swift and terrible, they shook her to her core. She steeled her face against it. Hide your weakness.

 

“I feel it too,” his voice felt like it was coming from eons away as she focused on the swirling waters of the pool around her. “The fear.”

 

She wasn’t sure which fear he meant. The fresh, sudden fear of drowning, a high, shrilling pulse in her brain, or the other fear, the deep, dull fear of knowing, finally _knowing_ why her family would have left her behind.

 

He guided her forward then, showing her how to shape her arms and legs into the necessary strokes to stay afloat. His hands were a comfort at her sides, supporting her as she did her best to keep her head above water. Eventually he pulled her back into the shallows where she found her footing again, panting with effort and adrenaline.

 

“You can’t fight it,” he said, infuriatingly calm as he waded back into the deeper waters alone. “Your fear is what makes you fail. The tension in your body is at odds with the tension in the water. You have to give in to it, you can’t fight. Trust the water to hold you up.”

 

Underneath his words she caught the current of deeper meaning. Give in to this, whatever it is, don’t fight, stop running. Give in to the Dark Side. To me.

 

The idea of not fighting left Rey, little Rey, Rey who had fought for every single scrap and portion and piece of junk that she had ever laid hands on, breathless. Fighting was life, movement was life. Stillness and acceptance were death.

 

A splash and sudden silence caught her attention. Kylo had disappeared under the water. Her heart caught for a moment before he reemerged, laughing, and she realized he had merely dived beneath the surface, chasing fish. And why should she care, anyway, if her worst enemy drowned here, in this clear pool, this perfect place. But part of her brain, tucked away and cowering from the other parts, knew why. _We are two of a kind, he and I._

 

The bond between them hummed as Kylo dove again. Suddenly her feet were being dragged out from under her, large hands grasped around her ankles pulling her under the water. She opened her eyes instinctively and was surprised at how much she could see. Prominently, Kylo’s smirking face filled her vision.

 

He surged forward to kiss her beneath the water, lips gently touching hers. She fought the urge to panic at the lack of air, a burning in her lungs like hot hands at her throat. Calmness. Stillness. He pulled her upwards with him and they broke the surface gasping.

 

“You didn’t fight,” he laughed, smoothing wet hair back from her face. “Such a fast learner.”

 

He leaned in again for another kiss and she pulled him closer, hands tugging at his hair and neck until their bodies were pressed together beneath the surface of the water. The adrenaline of swimming filled her veins, heightening each sensation. This is a terrible idea, she thought even as she sank into the heat of his body, but don’t I deserve comfort too? It was ridiculous that the only person who knew how she was feeling, who understood, was the person she was bound to fight again and again and again.

 

She felt his growing arousal pressed against her and she reached between them to take him into her hands. He moaned against her mouth at the light, cool touch of her fingers in the hot pool.

 

Catching her under the arms he lifted her out of the water, setting her on the rock edge. Her skin prickled. The jungle air, though warm, was cooler than the water. Her nipples formed stiff peaks at the touch of the wind.

 

He took one into his mouth, rolling his tongue around, before moving to alternate feather-light kisses and bites between the valley of her breasts and down her body. She moaned at the touch of him and felt wetness pool between her thighs with each trace of hand and tongue.

 

His hands skated down the sides of her body until they found her center. Exploring fingers found her ready and wanting. He slid a finger along her waiting slit and she arched against him.

 

“Was last time your first?” he asked, teasing more fingers along her, relishing in her wetness. Last time he had let her take charge, let her be in control, afraid to shatter that strange dreamscape they had been living. Now he wanted her below him, writhing under his touch.

 

She shook her head. He slipped a finger inside of her and she moaned, breath catching in her throat. Shadows danced upon his skin, reflecting the light and dark of the water.

 

“Tell me it wasn’t the stormtrooper,” he said jealously, pumping his finger in and out of her, using his thumb to press gently against her swollen clit. She shook her head again, unable to speak as the sensations of his hands drilled up through her body.

 

“Was it Dameron?” he asked, adding a second finger. His second hand reached up to cup her face, forcing her eyes to meet his own.

 

“No,” she gasped, having trouble even thinking at this point. “No—a long time ago—someone you don’t know.”

 

He smiled, dark eyes devilish. “Good,” he said, and slammed another finger inside of her. She keened with pleasure, clutching at him to keep from falling backwards. He held her close to him, fingernails biting into her back as he pumped his fingers in and out, hard and soft strokes. She bit down on his shoulder to keep from screaming, it felt so good.

 

He pulled his fingers out of her with a slick noise and she moaned with wanting. He pressed them into her mouth and she lapped at them, sucking each finger till it was clean. She watched, eyes bright with lust, as he worked himself under the water, fingers sliding over his cock with practiced ease. She scooted back along the edge of the pool so he had room to pull himself up out of the water.

 

He paused before hiking himself up out of the pool and onto the rock. The mossy wetness of the stones was slippery and surprisingly soft. His hands were gentle yet firm as they pressed Rey backwards, her dark hair spilling out along the mossy green like ink spilled on paper. She reached out to touch him and he pulled back, smirking, before pinning her arms up above her head with one hand.

 

“You’re mine now,” he said, eyes glittering as he leaned over her, lips nuzzling her own. “Say it,” he commanded, imperious, “Say my name.” He leaned back, kneeling between her outstretched legs, stroking his cock and waiting for her to obey. She moaned with want, but she wasn’t going to give in that easily.

 

“Ben,” she whispered, smirking up at him.

 

The sound of his old name on her lips made him growl. He lowered himself between her legs and thrust into her roughly. Rey let out a strangled moan. He was big, filling every inch of her to the hilt. She raised her hips up to meet him, matching his intensity for her own as the steam swirled around them.

 

She could see the mix of anger and arousal in his face at the sound of his name. It was somehow satisfying. He thrust roughly, sliding in and out of her. Sweat dripped slowly from his brow and sparkled against her own. Rey reached up and pulled his head down, kissing him hard. She trapped his bottom lip between her teeth and bit, relishing in the moan he made. The lust filled look he gave her filled her with want. He trailed feather soft kisses down her neck as he continued to pump harder, his cock filling her dripping cunt.

 

He pulled her legs up, trapping them at his sides. His hand snaked between them to swirl calloused fingers over her clit. She arched her back up into him, _more._

 

She almost couldn’t take it anymore it felt so good. Rey moaned loudly, panting as the pace of his fingers and thrusts became more furious. Eventually the feeling rose to a crescendo and she came, clenching tight around him. That was the trigger he needed, he pulled out, spurting thick ropes of cum into his hands, collapsing onto her.

 

A moment’s pause and then Kylo moved first, reaching over her to dip his hands into the water, swirling them until they were clean. Then he was back, resting his head softly against her chest.

 

They held each other for what felt like hours.

 

“Tell me about my parents,” she spoke finally, breaking the silence, her voice raw.

 

His shoulders stiffened, “I’m not sure you’ll want to know.”

 

“I’ve always wanted to know,” she said, tracing a hand across his back, connecting moles like planets on a star chart. Feeling constellations.

 

“It’s your planet,” he began softly. “Ismil. They only became part of the Galactic Common in the past few years. Before that they were uncharted territory. A backwater nothing. Uneducated, unsophisticated, and yet, so _brutal_.” His voice had a touch of admiration in it.

 

She nodded, not sure what he meant by it.

 

“They…they don’t understand the Force there—they don’t understand _us_. Force-users are witches to them. They hate us, kill us, _burn us_ , ” he continued, voice low and raw with emotion. “By sending you away, hiding you, I think they were _saving_ you.”

 

Rey swallowed hard. The lump in her throat felt huge, choking her. The same thing that made her special, the _only_ thing she’d had to cling to, was the reason she had been alone. Learning of her connection to the Force had been a comfort to her, now it felt like a curse.

 

“They could have come with me.”

 

He shifted under her hands, rolling his shoulders. “They could have.”

 

She looked down at her hands, “I never asked for this.”

 

“None of us did.” He sat up, taking her hands into his own, “When I became a Jedi my family left me, too.” He cupped her face softly with one large palm.

 

She opened her mouth to protest, but he continued over her, “No—don’t. I know what you’ll say. Just know this, the last time I saw my mother was the day I left for the Academy. She never visited. Not once.” His face was a mask, harsh and inscrutable. “There is no one else, Rey. No one but us.”

 

His words followed her for a long while, burned bright against her troubled mind.

* * *

 


	3. The Last Time- White and Winter and Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter of smut! Might be one more coming to round out the 4 seasons thing I kind of had going, but it would be set before this one.
> 
> Enjoy!

“ _Offer me that deathless death, good God let me give you my life.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“I can’t keep doing this,” she said, her voice a resigned note in a billow of white steam.

 

The abandoned base was cold. Whatever generators had made the place habitable, years ago, were long broken. He had arrived first, lighting a fire for warmth and sending her the image through their bond. Calling her. Chasing her. Always. She wasn’t sure why or when she had stopped running, but it was time to run again.

 

“Doing what?” he asked. He hadn’t removed his mask yet. She hated that. Hated that he could hide his emotions while hers were raw and exposed.

 

“ _This_ ,” she gestured around them, “Fighting you, and—and _fucking_ you.” She spat the words. Pacing. Angry like a caged animal. “I don’t know what this is to you—but I—I can’t reconcile the person you are here with the one I see outside, with the reports I hear.”

 

She folded in on herself, sinking to the ground, curling around her knees. So small. _Weak_ , she chastised herself.

 

“You heard about the attack on Unbar Prime,” his voice was mechanical.

 

“You must have come straight to me afterwards. Holding me, saying those sweet things you say with—with the blood of _thousands_ on your hands.”

 

He crouched in front of her and all she could see was her own face reflected. _Unfair_.

 

“You knew what I was when you started this,” he said simply.

 

“A monster in a mask,” she replied, echoing words from long ago. “Broken and twisted.” She scowled. “You think there’s something in me that can put you right. Can fix you. But I can’t. I can’t absolve you of what you’ve done.”

 

“You do,” he said. “Every time you touch me without hesitation, look on my face without flinching, you wash away all I’ve done. No longer Hux’s butcher, _his_ _dog_. I’m just Ben again.”

 

“You’re not _Ben_.”

 

He moved to take off his helmet.

 

“Keep it on,” she said, spiteful, “I don’t want to look at you.”

 

His shoulders stiffened and she knew he was holding back a flinch. She thought he would crumple then, and fall, but she miscalculated. Anger burned, hot and passionate, through their bond.

 

He was on her in an instant, pressing her back against the table. Her body pinned between the cold wood and the heat of him, large and looming. He reached up to take off his helm, the mechanical hiss of it loud in the cold room. Slamming it down on the table beside her.

 

Petty as she felt she turned her head away, unwilling to give him what he wanted. Unwilling to see the man within the monster.

 

His thigh shoved between her own, nudging them apart until he was pressed at the entrance to her. He cupped her face in his hand and pulled her toward him.

 

“Look at me,” he pleaded, begged even. His voice warm and dark. His long fingers teased at the waistband of her pants and she closed her eyes to avoid looking, grasping at petty straws. Wanting to hurt him as she felt hurt. But her body felt differently, a heat of arousal flooded her, and the strength of him pressed against her made her grind down on his leg in frustration, in wanting.

 

“Fine,” he growled and spun her. She was pressed down against the table now, his body cupping hers from behind. “Don’t look then.”

 

His hands burned with cold as they slid past the waistband of her pants, his arousal pressed up against her ass. She pressed back against him, rolling her hips, and he placed a hand on her back pushing her down against the table. Hard.

 

“No,” his voice rasped with desire, “You wanted Kylo.” His hand moved further into her clothing, icy fingers teasing down the length of her slit. He slipped a finger inside her and she moaned softly. The sound made his hips buck, pressing his cock against her, harder.

 

He threaded his free hand into her hair and pulled back sharply. “This is what you want, isn’t it? Just some faceless enemy you can hate.” He pumped his finger in and out of her, softly at first, then with more power, adding a second finger and then a third until she was clenched around them, whimpering. “You want me to hurt you. To show you I’m irredeemable.”

 

She gasped as the heel of his hand slammed against her swollen clit, a soft noise that made him pause with wanting. He pulled away and she keened at the sudden lack of him. His hands grasped her hips, holding her still as he slid her pants down to tangle at her feet. He ran a hand over the firm cheeks of her ass as he used the other to unzip his pants and free himself.

 

He stroked himself languidly, admiring the sight in front of him. Rey shifted her weight from foot to foot, the slick lips of her pussy lacking the friction she so desperately needed. She listened, the sound divinely obscene as she waited, the thick slapping noise of flesh on flesh as he worked himself. She desperately wanted to look, to see the length of his cock sliding in and out of his grip, to take him into herself. But she wouldn’t turn, wouldn’t beg him.

 

It isn’t long before she felt the heat of him at her back again. His thick cock pressed against her wet lips and she moaned as he thrust forward without warning, sheathing himself fully in her. Slamming her against the table. She was hot and wet around him and he growled. She may claim she’s no absolution, but when he’s buried within her he feels baptized anew.

 

He thrust into her again and again. Feeling impossibly big within her, filling her to the hilt as he slammed her hips against the table in front of her. Each stroke mixed pleasure and pain but he was right that she wanted it to hurt, wanted to be able to forget sweetness and laughs, wanted her memory of him to be something _other._

 

His skin slapped against hers as he pounded into her. She could feel her cunt dripping around the length of his cock as he slid in and out. Her vision whited around the edges and stars filled her eyes with each powerful slam. She had never felt so full, so finished, it was like every other moment she had been incomplete, merely waiting to become whole.

She let out a strangled moan. He was bent over her, the heat and weight of him pressing her down, breasts cold against the rough texture of the table. He kissed and bit his way down her back. Each nip making her loose a hiss of pleasure through gritted teeth before he laves over it with a cooling tongue. Hurting and soothing, always.

 

“Harder,” she gasped, and he bit down on her neck, hard enough to bruise. Her cunt clenched tight around his cock and it sent him over the edge. His voice was a choked moan as he spilt himself inside her.

 

He collapsed against her as he came. Damp bodies sticking against eachother. They breathed together for a moment. He slid to the ground, kneeling in front of her and she turned.

 

“Rey,” he breathed, resting his forehead against her belly, and at last she looked at him. Pushed his sweat slicked dark hair out of his eyes, smoothed it back over his brow.

 

His hands grasped her hips sharply and pulled her forward as he buried his face at the apex of her thighs. Lapping gently at the outside of her until she spread her legs with wanting. She was a holy vessel and he drank himself from within her, his own slick desire and hers coating his chin. She looked down at him and threaded her hands in his hair. The movement comforted him and he pressed harder into her, tongue swirling against her swollen clit.

 

Gentle yet terrible. Beautiful destruction. He slid two fingers into her, hot and wanting, and she arched against them, the feeling of him indescribable.

 

He stood then, fingers still within her, reaching to cup the side of her face, to kiss her, as his fingers worked their way in and out, the slick noise of them an obscene music. The heel of his hand hit her clit with every thrust and she was keening, clutching him because she could barely stand, knees weak. The heat and size of his body enveloped her.

 

“Say my name,” he demanded, his need consuming her.

 

“Ben,” she gasped against his mouth, pettiness forgotten. She knew then that this was _it_. The last time. The last time until _something_ changed.

 

The music of their bodies rose to a crescendo and she was coming, oh god she was coming. Hot and slick over his hands. Her cunt clenched tight around his fingers.

 

“F-fuck,” she cried and he bit down on her neck. Marking her, a dark purpling bite bright against the gold of her skin.

 

“You make me human,” he said, and slid his fingers out of her. They shone in the flickering light and she brought his palm to her mouth, kissing it gently. He threaded his fingers through the back of her hair, sweaty, and pulled her head down to rest on his chest.

 

For a long moment, neither spoke.

 

“Goodbye, Ben,” she said, reaching up to touch his cheek, knowing it was time to run again.

 

He knew it was the last time he would hear that name from her lips.

 

His words, when they came, were choked. Rising like plumes of smoke from a burning house. “I—I love you.”

 

“I know,” she said and left anyway.

* * *

 


End file.
